26. A Hot Christmas

It has been very strange this Christmas, my first away from the family. Apparently they halved the amount of food cooked for Christmas dinner due to my absence. The weather though was most unnatural, I find it bemusing that Santa still wears a fur-lined hat and 'Let It Snow' amongst other wintery songs is still played endlessly on the radio.

Instead of going to church for midnight mass, I was peer pressured into taking a different kind of communion (mainly differing in quantity of alcohol), as Christmas Eve turned into Christmas Day. I don't really want to go into detail of my night out because I am sure that is not why you are reading this blog. Also I know my mother reads it. However my story would show, as always, the kiwis as a very friendly and hospitable people. After the pie-selling, sticky-floored nightclub in town ('The Globe') had rung last orders we were invited to a house party, conveniently halfway between town and home. 

The northern hemisphere drinking team was as follows:

F Lawder, (GB) 

D Murphy (Ire)

J Toal (N. Ire)

B McCarton (N. Ire)

We gave a good account of ourselves except for one Northern Irish team member who seemed at one point to be taking a very close look at the gravel on the drive, and then confusing a lawn with a mattress. Daniel and myself in my opinion deserve MoM awards for milking Christmas morning, having forgone a nights sleep in favour of festive celebration. 

Milking went by in a bit of a blur and I don't think either of us cupped on any bulls or forgot about any cows.  I went back to bed for a few hours when I came in, a tactical nap is sometimes needed in this line of work. 

When I woke up the sun had burnt away the mornings haze and it heated up to something like 27/28 °C. There was not a cloud in the sky and it definitely did not feel like Christmas. I had to wait until later to open my presents sent from the UK, so it could be done over Skype at a sensible hour in both time-zones.

I had bought a Christmas tree a few days earlier in an attempt to get Christmassy. Unfortunately it wasn't a particularly impressive specimen, measured in inches rather than feet. Here it is decorated with tin foil, the only shiny thing we could find in the house.

When dinner time eventually came round, we fired up the barbie and threw on a few steaks, sausages, chops, kebabs and burgers (or patties as they insist on calling them here).

For just four of us we had plenty of meat to go around, but it is my favourite of all the Christmas traditions, eating too much food. We also had a salad and a load of buns but they didn't really feature.

What did feature though, was a very impressive array of sauces, better than any collection I have seen before at a BBQ.

When they are all mixed together, the sauce created could power a medium sized tractor and also kill 99.9% of bacteria, probably.

The food was very good, and expertly cooked, though I say so myself. I much prefer to cook on a charcoal BBQ, it seems a bit like cheating using gas. It is basically a kitchen appliance that is outside. Also you lose a bit of the BBQ flavour, and the layer of charcoal around the outside of the sausage.

Yes, the food was good, but not as nice as this that had winged its way from home. Possibly the nicest thing I have ever eaten.

I think this is a good opportunity to remind you readers that in exchange for a (hopefully) entertaining few minutes of reading, I will gladly accept edible gifts! The more uniquely British the better.

My address:

Mr F Lawder,

783, Burnside Road,

RD 17D,

Oamaru,

9492

New Zealand

I am only joking. But seriously... I check the postbox regularly.

Well that is all for now, I hope you had a great Christmas, and have a happy New Year (which I will reach first!), and please, keep on telling your friends, family and colleagues about this blog.

25. Dead Leg & Mt Cook

When I choose the title for a new blog post I usually just put down what I am thinking about whilst I'm typing away.
Today I am thinking about my leg, which is dead. We were sorting out the bulls in the yard, and a particularly stupid heifer made an audacious dash for freedom. I made a run for the open gate to cut her off, my path took me behind one of the Charolais bulls, who was also running towards the gate. He didn't take kindly to my surprising turn of pace and lashed out with a brutal buckaroo kick, right to the upper thigh.
I have had a dead leg for three days now. I was disappointed not to get a hoof shaped bruise though, which is something I would definitely have taken a photo of and put on the blog.

Anyway, what have I been up to? The other day I put the Lord of the Rings soundtrack in the CD player and drove to Mount Cook, or as near to it as I could get without donning crampons and grabbing a rope. Mt Cook is the tallest mountain in NZ at 12,316 ft and is a pretty impressive bit of rock. Despite it being summer now, there was still a fair amount of snow on it.

There were some prety dramatic skies on the drive to the hill, and with the dramatic landscape make for some awesome views.

The lake is Lake Pukaki and is famous for being bright turquoise, especially when the sunlight is right, apparently the colour is due to deposits of minerals in the water.

(This photo has had no colour enhancement)

The road to Mt Cook runs along the lake for about 40km so I took a lot of photographs like this, with lake, mountains and sky.

Once I got nearer the view became less impressive when the clouds descended. They always seem to appear when ever I want to get some good pics of mountains. This is what Mt Cook close up looked like, to me anyway.

Near to Mt Cook is the famous Tasman Glacier. I have never seen a glacier before so I thought I would check it out. The Tasman Glacier is 24 km long and 92 km² in area, which is quite a lot of ice. Although there used to be much more of it, it is retreating by between 480 and 820 metres per year. And I assume that was the reason it was so far away from the lookout point the sign directed me to.

It was also a lot dirtier than I expected, not the pristine white I imagined, and the whole area looked like Mordor, with nothing alive apart from a thorny bush called 'Wild Irishman', (I actually live with one of these). I waited around for a bit to see if the glacier was moving, after ten minutes I thought I saw a party of orcs approaching so I scarpered, turns out they were just some Aussie tourists.

On my return journey I stopped off at a Salmon farm, which had a floating shop. I thought I would see what NZ smoked salmon was like compared to the Scottish kind which I could eat kilos of. But what really caused me to pull a dangerous but necessary U-turn was the big sign that said 'FEED THE FISH FOR FREE.'

Here is a clip of me making the fish go mental by chucking in the food.

The reaction was very piranha-ish and reminded me of that scene in one of the James Bonds. Here is the best pic I got of a salmon, they move pretty fast.

And here is what I bought (I have no high hopes of catching salmon, I think I am more of a trout bloke).

In other news, David and Jocelyn have gone to Ireland for Christmas, which means we are running the show for a few weeks. It is good to get some responsibility and do a bit of decision making without having to ring the boss!

Also check out last week's Farmers Weekly, you will find in this years photo competition that this photo of mine won its section and is now in the running for the big prize of £200!

Exciting times!

It is going to be very strange, Christmas time in the summer. I am a huge fan of all things Christmas, the food, the booze, the food, the presents and the food. I have been trying to get in the Christmas mood but even listening to a bit of Michael Bublé and watching 'Elf'' does not disguise the fact that I am putting on suncream before I go out to work.

We have been to quite a few BBQ's recently, as is traditional in this part of the world. Lots of Speight's, steaks, burgers and sausages and it is guaranteed that there will be a pavlova there. It is certainly different to mulled wine and mince pies, but I am not complaining. We are having a BBQ on Christmas day, obviously I am in charge of the cooking and I will definitely cook too much meat. I am trying to think of the best way to BBQ a turkey.

Thanks to everyone who has sent me Christmas presents and cards, the winner for the best card goes to my sister Charlotte with this excellent homemade piece. I might get it framed.

Have a great Christmas everyone and don't forget the farmers who graft hard to produce your Christmas dinner.

24. Irrigation

The weather is (mostly) warm and dry now we are into summer. Due to the high grazing pressure on the grass it is necessary for it to be irrigated to maintain a suitable growth rate.

This farm, mostly made up of a valley is far too steep to accommodate the imposing structures that are center pivot irrigation. These are very popular, particularly north from here on the Canterbury plains. Our neighbours across the road use a pivot. 

They are powered by an electric motor and move very slowly over fences, cows and anything else that gets in the way. There are gaps in the fences with bungee cord that allows the wheels to cross over. 

On steep pasture such as ours, the best method of irrigation is through the use of K-lines. These consist of pipes attached to hydrants in the paddock. On these pipes at equal intervals of about 12-15m (I havn't measured them), are pods that contain sprinklers. It is much easier to post photos than trying to explain them.

I hope you readers think these photos are worth me getting completely soaked when I took them, I got very irrigated and very irritated. 

Here is a short clip of the irrigation in action:

The lines are moved around daily (not be me, I stick with the livestock) by towing them with a quad. There is a plastic ball (could be a buoy) at the end of each line that is picked up by a trailer, it can be done at pretty high speed if you have enough experience in mending broken plastic pipes. 

Yes, the bike and trailer are usually this muddy.

There is another type of irrigation used here in NZ but not to the extent of pivot or K-line. It is surface irrigation where water is carried in canals at the edge of paddocks. These canals have dams which when blocked allow the selected paddock to flood, the ground is in a structure which allows the water to drain from paddock to paddock and then back to the canals. This is a lot less practical than the plumbed irrigation used here. 

The irrigation seems to be doing its job, because the grass is growing. You may remember I posted this picture back in August.

After some selective reseeding, plenty more rain, a bit of sun, irrigation and three grazings, and now a bit of a hammering from the calves, it looks like this.

 

It's pretty hardy stuff grass.

Right that is all for now, I will leave you with a picture of me holding a leveret that I caught (future rugby coaches take note, that is how fast I am).

23. A Load Of Bull

Well it is December now, and the weather is great. I was wearing short sleeves to get the cows in at 4 am this morning. That is how warm it is. Milking didn't go great, it was one of those mornings where everything seemed to be going wrong. I did however discover a Sunday morning kids radio show which certainly made milking go a bit faster. I particularly enjoyed listening to the story of the three billy goats gruff, complete with a deadpan troll voice and accompanying songs. Although the condescending tone of the presenter did get pretty annoying after a while. 

The big news on the farm is the arrival of the bulls. AI finished last week and the bulls have taken over to do it 'the natural way.' We have eighteen bulls, fifteen of which are Charolais and the other three are Hereford. They are all two or three years old, as any older and they get a bit too fat and lazy. 

The bulls are in three teams of six, and are with the milkers, with the pennies (penicillin / antibiotics treated cows) or resting on their own. We change them round every two days.

Here are a few photos of the chaps:

 A young Charolais.

 They seem to have taken a shine to this heifer.

 One of the Herefords.

 The big fella asserting his dominance.

Getting the job done 'the natural way.'

I spent ages in the paddock the other day trying to get a picture of a bull doing the deed. They get very shy when you whip the camera out!

I took this video whilst I was waiting, try and spot the cow who is on heat!

The presence of the bulls makes my job a little bit trickier, when bringing cows in we have to try and keep the bulls out of the yard and the shed. They need to be turned round at the yard if the cows are going to a new paddock or just left behind when the cows come in. The best method to separate them is a combination of gentle vocal persuasion and a stick. The traditional bull-standard nose-tapper is a two to three foot long length of alkathene pipe, usually 24-28 mm diameter. With just the right amount of flex in it, the stick is a valuable tool for keep the bull at a distance. 

I am glad that they are beef bulls anyway, I would feel a bit more uneasy if i was dealing with dairy bulls every day. 

On the subject of beef (and now a seamless link to the next bit), I have been perfecting my burger recipe and construction method. Having bought what they call a 'pattie pusher', and what I call a burger squasher, homemade burgers are becoming a pretty frequent meal.

 

This piece of kit is a brilliant invention, I am going to bring it back to the UK in my suitcase when I return. The burger mix is made from lean minced beef, finely chopped onion, a bit of grated cheese to hold it together (that is a Freddie Lawder cookery top tip there!) and a good splash of Lea & Perrins, which I am glad to be able to buy out here.

Four pretty reasonably sized burgers fit in my giant breakfast frying pan. They shrink a bit as some of the juices run out, but a lot of that depends on the quality of the mince.

One of the most important parts in the construction of this super burger is the melted cheese slice. Proper cheese is much preferable to processed cheese, I managed to find some colby cheddar that had very helpfully been pre-sliced.

The nest in which the burger rests is also crucial. Note the presence of fresh lettuce and tomato, a balanced diet is important (it also stops the bun going soggy). I also stick the buns under the grill for a minute to prevent the potentially catastrophic burger collapse, where there is just too much filling for the bread. 

The finished product, in its simplest form. Extras not shown have included, bacon, pineapple, more cheese, caramelised onion, and a very wide selection of sauces, often mixed to create a new sauce. So next time instead of getting a pitifully small and pathetic 'Big Mac', make your own burger, it is very easy. If you havn't got a burger squasher throw a ball of the mixture hard onto a clean surface, which has a similar effect, but without the 'grill lines'. 

Righto, that is all for now, uploading those photos has made me hungry. I'll be back soon.